After 21

When people used to tell me 'Time flies after 21', I didn't take much notice of it. 

Now, I'm beginning to feel it. 

Not exactly counting how many additional fine lines there are on my face, or how much my metabolism rate has deteriorated over the years, but rather, my maturity.

I remember my sister, Elsie, telling me that I've grown to become too matured for my age when I was 18 or so. Perhaps I entered workforce much earlier than my friends, so I saw things differently. Before 21 is when youth is at its peak and one experiences all the fun and crazy stuff. For me, it was work, part-time studies, playful (ex)boyfriend, making dinner, paying bills, blah blah blah. I had my fair share of fun on weekends with my group, drinking most of the time in KTV pubs along Boat Quay. However, I grew sick of it due to empty pockets when nearing month end, and clearing up of pukes.

After 21, somewhere in December 2009, I had a different insight to life. I decided to live for myself. I began to think about what I want and the first step I did was to regain my single life. I prioritized my relationship way too much that I realized I weren't myself anymore. But not long later, I jumped into another pit hole. So much for wanting a life of my own. :/

nobody showed me this

After being in a relationship for one year, I've had enough of the boyfriend shit.

What is boyfriend shit? 

It is when your boyfriend behaves like a 14 instead of a 24 and clings onto you like a koala bear. It is when he places his own interest before yours and expects you to prioritize and take care of him. It is when he becomes a 'girlfriend' and start turning over the old accounts.

Enough is enough.

I took joy in my single life. I did whatever and went wherever I wanted. No stupid arguments, complaints, whines. Friends became important. Weekends were always packed with activities. I tasted fun and crazy. I widened my circle of friends. 

Most importantly, I had a life of my own. 

I even thought that maybe relationships and marriage weren't meant for me after all. I felt changes in myself. Making myself happy is top in my To-Do-List. I also had more time for family activities. However, I became rather insensible. The word 'save' was not in my dictionary. Credit cards were my best friends. Housework became the last thing I ever wanted to even think of. Studies were on and off my mind. And my health? Drinking makes me happier.

4 months and 2 days back, I went into a relationship with silly boy. 

our first polaroid together

Going into a relationship was not an easy step for the both of us as the aftermath of a failed relationship was intimidating. Being in a relationship after so long feels like something new to me - I forgot what it felt like to be in love.

Frankly speaking, I was rather uncertain of this relationship in the beginning. I did not know much about him or his past, and the fact that he ended his last relationship not longer than 4 months then was not very encouraging. I even wondered if he was ready for me. Nevertheless, I pushed these cynical thoughts away. After all, what lies ahead is what I should be looking at.

We have been meeting up almost every other day. Honeymoon period it is. I have less time to meet up with my friends, but I still try to arrange for dinner and shopping dates with my BFFs.

I feel that being single has made me oblivious and willful. I care too much about enjoyment that I forgot about reality. I forgot that I also need to be responsible, dependable and focused in order to achieve what I want in life.

Soon, 25 will come knocking on my door. I hope 25 will be my lucky number, leading me to a better me. 

xoxo, ping.