:(

Have been pretty moody lately. Feeling insecure, dubious, plus other negative emotions which I have no adjectives for.

That night was perhaps the first time sillyb got so angry with me. I don't remember much of the details as I was buried in alcohol and tears but, for a long time again, I feel the fear of losing someone important. 

I felt that the alcohol had made me dig up those emotions which I have bottled up for a long long time. It made me face things which I ran away from, or should I say, things which I refused to be affected by. I remember Auntie Xiuzhen telling me that I am good at concealing my true self and asked why is there a need to. I told her that nobody liked my true self. This is a truth which I learned as I was growing up. So I decided to change. So all these while, I thought that I was trying to be a better person, I try to suppress my discontent and accept things which I used to reject, trying to make life easier for everyone. Her words made me wonder, am i trying too hard?

What should I do?